Initially it felt nice, it felt good, I felt being valued and acknowledged.
But now what I feel is mere suffocation, i feel as if I am being tied up brutally and my heart is being hammered again and again million of times. I feel as if the oxygen level around me is reducing with each passing day. As even someone is exerting pressure on my windpipe and i am not able to breath properly.
And moreover I am made to feel guilty again and again for the crime which I haven’t even commited.
I made sure that no one feels guilty on things, which we have no control on. So that they don’t feel that they are at fault.
But where does all the concern go when it comes to me? Why didn’t anyone even consider what I had gone through? Why didn’t anyone tell me that It was okay and it wasn’t my fault.
Nobody sees the whole picture. They don’t see the journey, what they see is just the end where I act impulsively, where I loose my calm or when I get full of taking all that in , silently.
No one acknowledges the moments where I ignored someone’s bad temper, no one sees whenever I avoided a fight, by being quiet and not revolting.
No one comes to help me or even ask me if I am okay or not?
But what everyone comes up with, are accusations, their own reasonings, they don’t even try to figure out that why I said that or what I meant, but what they do is conclude and believe whatever they see . They don’t try to find the truth. They just believe their side of the story. No one tries to see mine.
I was denied the choice. I was denied of the understanding which I deserved.
It is extremely painful. I feel BROKEN FROM INSIDE -OUT.
It feels as if a hundred fingers pointing at me, plenty of mouths counting my follies, telling me my faults, my mistakes, but what I fail to find are ears to hear my part as well, a single hand to pick me up or caress my hairs and tell me that It was okay, it happens, or all of it wasn’t my fault.
I don’t know how to get out of this situation. I don’t know which step to take, which door to knock, which path to follow. I feel stuck.
I am terrified of the thought that in the surge of what we cannot get, we may loose what we have.
And I am not in a state to bear such a huge loss!
I feel helpless.
And I am shattered beyond ,what words can explain. It started on a sweet note but what I have now are a Million of tears.
I wish it never had started. It was beautiful before. It was joyful. It made me feel free. It made me comfortable. It made me feel content and relaxed.
I truly cherish that time and miss it too. I hope I could get that back. But it’s just too late.
Not a single day goes without me being occupied by your thoughts, your mesmerising voice and our memories.
Though the frequency has reduced but you are still there. Initially I tried really hard to remove you from my head. All those memories, all those moments, all those feelings which are hard to forget;I wished I could delete them forever.But soon I realised that one cannot really do that with the person whom we loved for so long. You have occupied a huge space in my heart. And I don’t feel that there’s any outlet from there.
I know how unrealistic and practically impossible my feelings for you may sound to someone, but only I know that there’s nothing more real,I have ever felt than those.
I know how childish it may look to others, but only I know how matured it was.
I know how weird and ugly it may appear, but only I know how pure and pias it was.
I know how unimaginable it is to others, but only I know how natural it was for me.
I knew from the very beginning that we cannot have a future together.But love that cannot be fulfilled doesn’t need to be killed.
Although it is beyond the understanding capabilities of others, But IT’S NOT A CRIME TO LOVE WHAT YOU CANNOT EXPLAIN!
You will reside in my heart Always and forever.
-Komal Ater
P. S. –Even if we aren’t together in the end, I am glad that you were a part of my life. Let this love for you, remain as an endearing secret forever.
P. S. – Don’t get so much into something that it ends up consuming you. Learn the art of letting go the bitter past. Don’t let the darkness from your past haunt the joys of present.
The one whom I loved, more than anything, left me one day with nothing.
The one whose words used to soothe my ears and heart, Has torn my soul apart
The one who couldn’t see tears in my eyes, Is now the reason for my heart’s silent cries
The one who once made me stand tall and proud, caused my world to crumble down
The one who made my life whole, before, Has became a source of void,which can never be restored
The truth that you don’t love me anymore Is killing me to the core I can’t trust you now and that’s for sure It’s not the same, after all I wanna move on and that’s all.
kohinoor creations 